Repair faster after conflict

Many couples do not break because they fight. They break because they cannot find their way back.

Try these three moves. They are simple, and they work best when you repeat them often.

Move 1. Name the pattern, not the person

Instead of: You always do this.

Try: We are in our loop again. The part where I get sharp and you get quiet.

Move 2. Name the need under the reaction

Instead of defending the words, name the need. Respect. Safety. Reassurance. Time. Partnership.

Try: Under my frustration is a need for teamwork. I do not want to feel alone in this.

Move 3. Pick one repeatable repair move

A repair move is small and repeatable. A touch on the shoulder. A ten minute pause. A soft restart.

Try: Can we restart this with one sentence each. No history. Just the next step.

If you want, reply with your most common loop and I will suggest one repair move to practice this week.

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